The Latte Manifesto

When you’re in Palm Springs having brunch at Manhattan in the Desert, there are some things you can safely assume. Such as the sexual orientation of a bunch of men in uniform: tight tank top, camo shorts, huge muscles, deep tan, impeccable manscaping. It’s also safe to assume that sighting this Uniformed posse was not even remotely remarkable. We were all just ogling the oversized dessert display; I was also probably thinking wistfully about not having a gay boyfriend and wondering who among my straight friends would be a halfway decent date to the Justin Timberlake concert. I didn’t realize we were in a hilarious movie until a spectacularly tall and wide member of the aforementioned crew gasped, pointed at an enormous pastry, and exclaimed: “HEY LOOK, A GIANT CREAM PUFF!” Hilarity ensued.

We finally took a much-needed vacation in Palm Springs. The whole time I could not stop thinking about ice cold milkshakes. It’s rather dry. Just as we first pulled into town, I checked the rear view mirror. About 50 yards behind us was a sea of Harleys. Hundreds of them. I thought maybe I was hallucinating (after seven hours of driving), so I asked B. if he saw them, too. He did. Within seconds we were completely surrounded by motorcycles and found ourselves involuntarily escorted down Palm Canyon Drive inside a phalanx of California Mongols. This was a little scary but mostly hilarious. I should say, WE found it mostly hilarious, but the Mongols did not seem to be amused. The entire gang’s thought bubble seemed to be: “NOPE, NOT AT ALL FUNNY, AND NOW WE WILL RUN YOU OFF THE ROAD”. I think our Honda Element was totally harshing their Mad Max vibe. It must have looked like a water buffalo being carried away by an army of really badass chrome ants. Now, you may be thinking that the Mongols were in Palm Springs for the outlet mall shopping or perhaps an architectural tour, but in fact, Palm Springs is host to the American Heat Motorcycle and Hot Rod Weekend. I’m taking Brian over to Chrome Alley tomorrow to see how many biker fights I can get him in. After all, I brought the camera, and I may as well get some use out of it.