The Latte Manifesto

Many years ago, one of the more entertaining aspects of my job involved sorting email submitted by visitors to a company’s website. Here’s a gem that starts out as a request for project financing, but quickly becomes the best resume, ever:

The project I am working on would establish a one square kilometer “Tequila Park” in Tequila, Jalisco, Mexico that would process as many as two thousand Guest Worker applicants per day, five days per week.

I probably know more about Guest Worker programs than everyone in Washington put together…as I myself, over fifteen years, have been one…as a merchant seaman in four merchant navies, a film crewman in Australia, a bush ranger in old Rhodesia, where I supervised 20 African riflemen & another dozen support staff…as a tally clerk in Cape Town, as a newspaper editor & piano mover in Switzerland, warehouseman in Berlin, longshoreman in Hamburg, teacher of English & piano mover in Sweden (I moved ABBA’s pianos) a front-loader driver in London & oil refinery worker in Antwep. I would be happy to send more details if [your company] would be interested in handling the direct deposit accounts of some millions of Guest Workers in the US. Hoping to hear from you, I am, Yours sincerely, ————- ps. If you Google “The Shakespeare-Cervantes Code” by Yours truly, you may find two, Five Star reviews.